I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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