I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
