conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
