Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
