I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
