You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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