i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
