I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
