Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
