You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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