Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
