I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
