I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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