The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
