please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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