Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
