either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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