what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
