Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Did I show you my penis last night?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Randomize
