I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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