So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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