Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
