Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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