Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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