I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
