ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
