I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
