just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
