I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize