If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
