Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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