she sounds like chewbacca in bed
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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