i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
