literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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