so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
