I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
please come you make the beer taste better
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
