Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
