that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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