Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
