have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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