I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
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I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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