If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Drake has all the answers
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
