I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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