well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
