i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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