i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
