So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
