Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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