If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
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