you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
