...so i touched it.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
