Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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