Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
