Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
