i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
