I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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