do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
