If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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