you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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