Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
