if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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