How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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