If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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