we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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