We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
