she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
