i would punch a child for taco bell
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
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Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
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Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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