And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
