No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
