Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
